Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
