he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
