And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
