I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
