Hey man sorry I got all grabby
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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