i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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