I accidentally had phone sex last night
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
