I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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