Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
