Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
