He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
