why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
