I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
