Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
