just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
where are my eyebrows?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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