She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm like, not good at living.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
