I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
