how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
