I am spending my child support on dildos
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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