So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I am spending my child support on dildos
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
