i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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