Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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