he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
