she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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