In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
