I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
