just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
