Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
