I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
