you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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