I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
