I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
