So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
