As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
