those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
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