his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
