Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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