I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
