he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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