I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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