At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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