Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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