i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
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