I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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