I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
