I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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