Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
