Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
This is classic penis vs brain.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
