Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
