oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
