He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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