haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
