I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
