My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
