Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Randomize
