Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
They took my balls.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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