the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
