i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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