awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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