I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
