Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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