I accidentally had phone sex last night
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
