Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
